Contents

Chapter I The Brassiere There's to Be No Fornication The Young Gentleman

Chapter II Arrival The Next Event The Opera The Extra Man Otto Bellman and His Gang of Swiss Yodelers

Chapter III I Felt Connected to Women All Over America Porky Pig Fell Off a Cliff An International Agreement on the Virtues of Chastity The Recession Spankologist Hot for Cockroach, Cold for Lead Are You Jewish? One of the Greatest Hoaxes of All Time

Chapter IV We All Wanted to Be That Femme Fatale I Met Someone Jewish Americans Are Too Concerned with Athletics Deep in Queens

Chapter V The Jewish Duke of Windsor Were There Animals? This Is Only a Tape Recording The Queen Has Fifty Rooms

Chapter VI Four Gap-Toothed Dairy Maidens Fort Schuyler Breasts, Please Cut Off Your Hair Like Salome You'll Get an Erection and Then What Will I Do? You've Brought So Much Toilet Paper into My Life

Chapter VII Fleas, Cars, and Florida The Whole City Has Fleas He Saw a Piece of Cheese and Made Havoc with It

Chapter VIII Straightish My Analyst, Gershon Gruen I Felt Something Under My Rear Are You Having BMs? The Essential Man

Chapter IX Whatever Happened to Danny Kaye? The Men Are Still in Charge Down There

Chapter X She Wanted Me People Are Dying, New Ones Are Coming Up Otto Bellman Collects His Mail Brassiere Revisited Deep in Bay Ridge All the Queens Were Dead

Chapter XI I Was Like Don Quixote and Sancho Panza That's All I Have to Say About America The Life of a Fugitive I Was Like Lady Macbeth That's Very Good Cheese He's Eating Lagerfeld Is Back In A Tie Is Dipped

Chapter XII It's Your Fellow Old People Who Tear You Down Daphne Wants to Drink Cough Medicine and Smoke Cigarettes Thank You, Dear Boy Life Rushes By You Look Practically Middle Class A Girl as I Must Have First Imagined Girls Russia